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When the Illuminate first descended upon Super Earth’s colonies three weeks ago, we thought we knew what we were up against. After all,Helldivers 2had prepared us well for dealing with both the bugs and the bots. But these squid-faced freedom-haters? They’re a different breed entirely.
Yet, as any true defender of democracy knows, necessity breeds innovation. And while Arrowhead has equipped us with an arsenal of high-tech weaponry to deal with these telepathic terrors, some Helldivers are taking a more… personal approach to spreading managed democracy.
Case in point: one particularly creative soldier of liberty has discovered that sometimes, the best way to deal with an Illuminate Warp Ship is to just poke it really hard with a stick. And not just any stick—we’re talking about the recently issued CQC-19 Stun Lance, Super Earth’s latest contribution to the art of close-quarters democracy enforcement.
When democracy comes knocking
Helldivers 2‘s latest “Urban Legends” warbond brought many tools of democracy to our arsenal, but none quite as personally satisfying as the CQC-19 Stun Lance. While most Helldivers were content using it for its intended purpose of delivering up-close electrical democracy to individual targets, one innovative freedom fighter had grander ambitions.
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The video evidence of this unconventional strategy has left many Helldivers scratching their heads in disbelief:
You might be thinking what many of us thought when we first saw this display of democratic ingenuity:
But work it does, and in spectacular fashion. Our brave Helldiver repeatedly jabs at the Warp Ship’s bay door with their Stun Lance until the whole thing explodes, sending them flying backward in what can only be described asa perfect display of Newton’s Third Law of Democracy. It’s a beautiful reminder that sometimes the simplest solutions are the most effective.
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One fellow freedom fighter couldn’t help but draw a rather amusing parallel to a more mundane situation:
Perhaps the Illuminate should have learned an important lesson from door-to-door salespeople: if you don’t want to get poked with a democracy stick, don’t come knocking uninvited!
The art of democratic persuasion inHelldivers 2
Of course,some Helldivers have taken a more… philosophical approachto analyzing this strategy. In the hallowed halls of Super Earth’s most prestigious think tanks, scholars debate the deeper meaning behind this revolutionary combat technique:
While some critics suggest that this approach might be a bit too… forward:
But when you’re dealing with entities that want to strip our citizens of their voting rights, there’s no time for social niceties. The CQC-19 Stun Lance might not bethe most sophisticated weapon in our arsenal, but it’s proven itself to be a surprisingly effective ambassador of democracy.
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This discovery represents everything that makesHelldivers 2special. It’s not just about the weapons we’re given—it’s about how creatively we can use them to spread managed democracy across the galaxy. Whether you’re calling in orbital strikes or poking alien ships with an electrified stick, what matters is that you’re doing your part for Super Earth.
And let’s be honest: there’s something beautifully poetic about defeating the technologically advanced Illuminate with what essentially amounts to a very fancy pointy stick. Take that, superior alien intelligence!
Have you discovered any unconventional ways to deal with the Illuminate threat? Share your most creative democracy-spreading techniques in the comments below!
Soumyajit Mukherjee
Gaming Writer
Articles Published :965
Soumyajit Mukherjee is a Gaming Writer at FandomWire, known for his deep dives into tactical shooters and co-op games. Since joining in June 2024, he’s focused on breakout multiplayer titles like Helldivers 2 and Marvel Rivals, bringing sharp analysis and veteran instincts to every story. His gaming journey began at a local café with the OG Modern Warfare 2, and from that very first frag, he’s been chasing the rush ever since.A former competitive Rainbow Six Siege team captain, Soumyajit has played and written about everything from CS:GO, Valorant, Overwatch, and Apex Legends to Rocket League, Call of Duty, and Battlefield. He’s proudly PC-first and has been since said LAN days… but with GTA 6 looming on the horizon, a long-overdue PS5 might finally sneak onto his setup.
